Time for a product review!

Today's product: Irish Spring Cool relief scrub...
... and why you would be kind of stupid to use it.

So I bought a bottle of it at Walmart today because
I was all out of body soap and I like to smell good
in order to separate myself from the people who
don't.

It smells menthol-y fresh. I like menthol alot.
And it has scrubbing bubbles to exfoliate dead
skin cells for baby smooth skin... so far, so good.

The scrubbing bubbles are the size of a marble.
But that's manly. We're guys, we don't do little.

And at first it was cool. Lathering up my torso
I was all like: "Ah, that smells so good and man,
it really gets rid of those skin cells, huh??"

My arms are totally smooth now. Cool beans!

But you gotta clean up in the nether regions as
well, young man.

... and this is where the scrubbing bubbles should
have been replaced by the bar of Irish Spring
soap my 8 year old daughter got me for Father's
Day (she either knows how much I like the
smell of a whole island or she thinks I stink).

Scrubbing bubbles the size of a small country and
your Johnson... bad.
Menthol-y coolness on your Johnson... bad.

As a matter of fact had I covered my dick in
Bengay or Icy Hot, it would have probably had
the same effect. It was actually painful.

Think about it: first you take the scrubbing
bubbles to it - then you apply the actual pain.

But I paid $3.49 for it. So I'll use it until it's all
gone. And by the time it's gone, I will have gotten
used to the mix of pain and the clean, fresh scent
of a whole island.

No wonder the IRA never really stopped fighting.
They're all pissed off about their raw ass dicks.

Speaking of dicks. Next time we shall discuss
Conservative Talk Radio. I am so excited!!!